At the moment, I find that it’s easy for me to fall into my head. To try to work things out, reason with myself (and others), make sense of stuff using logic. And that’s not the place for me at the moment. The stuff that’s on my mind, isn’t stuff to work out using logic.
Now. I have a spectacular brain, it works like a charm, and for many things it’s the best friend I’ve got. It serves me well, and I am grateful for it. But there are times when it’s not the go-to-place to work things out. And now is such a time.
I was reminded *again* today that I fall into the trap of trying to think my way out of a conundrum. And it simply doesn’t work. Not for this conundrum at least.
So. I sit here.
Tired after a day with a lot of back-and-forth between head and heart, and yet, oddly pleased with my day.
I’ve cried. Oh how I have cried.
I’ve hurt. Oh how I have hurt.
But more than anything, I’ve seen new things.
The joy of discovering what’s on the inside reverberates loudly within, as I sit here, reflecting on the activities of the day.
A door within has opened, a door I never knew existed. And as with most doors, there’s probably some tears and hurt inside it.
But I don’t fear that. I think…. *There goes my head again…*
Feeling lost, not having spotted this door, not knowing of its existence, but having this sense that there’s something just out of sight, out of reach. That’s where the pain lies. Now that the door has revealed itself… I experience more curiosity than anything else. A bit of apprehension though, to be fair, because at the moment, right now, I lack the energy for a first walk-about inside this new chamber. So I won’t even take a peek. Instead, I will listen to my yawning body, and retire for the night. There’s plenty of time to go walk-about tomorrow!
First published on my blog on October 21st, 2016: https://helenaroth.com/into-my-head/
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Audio production: Caspian Almerud
Photography: Anders Roos http://www.andersroos.nu/
Soundtrack: Olof Jennfors Ljudtjänst http://jennforsljud.se/