“So, even if you make plans you never think you’re really ready for marriage?”
“No,” Seinfeld said. “It’s like any growth. You can’t be ready for it because it’s growth. It’s going to be new. You’re going to have a new life. You’re going to be a new person.”
I like Seinfeld’s definition of growth. You’re not ready for marriage. You’re not ready to start a business. You’re not ready to move to a new city. You’re not ready for growth … and that’s exactly why it will make you grow. Start before you feel ready.
By definition, growth must be something that makes you feel unprepared and uncertain. If it was comfortable and easy, it wouldn’t be growth. It would be normal. It would be standard. It would be who you already are.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Who I already am.
Wow.
I read that sentence over and over again, shiver, close my eyes, and feel my entire body relax into the unknown, that thing, which I am not, and never can be, ready for.
If I was ready, I would already have done it.
The only way to “be ready”, is to have already done it.
And I haven’t. Not yet.
Exhale and let go.
Knowing letting go opens up for letting come that which wants to happen.
That me – that is a second from emerging from the growth.
That me – that in the next moment, again will be not-ready for the next thing, and the next.
A never ending story, and that’s precisely how it’s supposed to be.
Otherwise I would never grow into becoming whom I will become.
And in the meantime, as I practice the fine art of being gentle towards myself, that which is life is lived, loved, experienced and treasured. Each glorious unknown and non-ready second of it!
First published on my blog on Septmeber 10th, 2016: https://helenaroth.com/who-i-already-am/
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Audio production: Caspian Almerud
Photography: Anders Roos http://www.andersroos.nu/
Soundtrack: Olof Jennfors Ljudtjänst http://jennforsljud.se/