Yes. The generous thing is asking for help.
And. Of course, this can be misused, everything can be misused!
So if you are a person asking for help a lot, when you ask, why are you asking?
What’s your reason? What’s your rationale? Is it a habit you’ve gotten into, a way to get out of taking responsibility for your own life? Is it a way to skirt your issues, your fears, your perceived inadequacies? In a sense, is you asking a way for you to hinder yourself (unconsciously) from growing, from learning, from expanding as a human being? A way of belittling yourself? Or is it truly because you’ve done the work, and are asking when appropriate, which I wrote in yesterday’s post as well? If so, yes, yes, yes, the generous thing is asking for help!
And if you are a person constantly asked to help, when you help, why are you helping?
What’s your reason? What’s your rationale? Is it a habit you’ve gotten into, a way to get out of taking responsibility for your own life? Is it a way to skirt your issues, your fears, your perceived inadequacies? In a sense, is your helping a way for you to hinder yourself (unconsciously) from growing, from learning, from expanding as a human being? A way of belittling yourself? Or is it truly because you’ve done the work, and are helping from a place of you taking responsibility for answering/helping truthfully, which I wrote in yesterday’s post as well? If so, yes, yes, yes, the generous thing is helping!
These aspects are really important to take into consideration
Based on a knowing that people are holding themselves (self-)worthy, (self-)responsible and (self-)honored, regardless if asking or helping, or in any other situation, I am much freer to Be in the world without taking on what is not mine to take on (There’s my business, your business and God’s business, to quote Byron Katie). This knowing might well be called an assumption. And I am not prone to liking assumptions, given that assumptions are the mother of all fuck-ups, and yet… this might well be one of those instances where it actually does serve me.
I often reflect on the same matters as you Helena. And when in doubt, I often recite Byron Katies words – to see if the business is mine, yours or Gods…
I am a person who has been on the helping side of things in a great part of my life, and at the same time had the idea that I should fix my own business. Nowadays it’s really important for me, that I, like the friend you write about yesterday, say yes when i really want and otherwise no. So that my surroundings can trust my yes’es. To ask for help is still sort of vulnerable to me, but I think I am slowly learning. And I can often handle a no, meaning, that I want help if the helper really is willing to help me … not doing it for the wrong reasons…