Sometimes I forget that Musts are a figment of our imagination. Must’s, should’s and would’s, have to’s. They are made up. Imagined.
I’ve heard someone say there are only two Musts: we must die (at least so far) and we must choose. And I guess that’s a fair estimate.
The rest of them, the Musts, the Should’s, Would’s and the Have to’s, are all made up. Make belief.
Oh, no, some people say when they hear me tell them that Must’s don’t exist, they do, they do exist! I must feed the kids a warm meal every night, and I definitely have to give the house a good cleaning every time my mother-in-law is coming to visit.
But no. Sorry. You don’t have to feed the kids a warm meal every night. You don’t even have to feed them actually. You probably want to feed your kids, and you might think it is a great idea for them to have a warm meal at night, but it’s not a Must. It’s a choice you make.
And you definitely don’t have to clean the house before your mother-in-law comes over. No way. There’s no rule that says this is a Must. Except, perhaps, within you. In your mind, there is that rule. And that rule might be yours. I mean, truly, something you’ve designed because you love your mother-in-law so much and know that she feels so much better in a clean house. It might be someone else’s rule and if that’s the case, I suggest you find out who’s voice is telling you to clean house? Regardless, it’s still not a Must. If you do it, it’s because you choose to do it. If you don’t well, then it’s because you chose not to do it. Either way, it’s not a Must. It is a choice.
So. What Must’s exist in your life, that you might as well start to name appropriately? I mean, why not say what is really going on.
I want to feed my kids a warm mean every night, because I think it’s important for their growth and development, and because I love sitting down the whole family at night, talking and sharing our daily experiences with each other.
I want to clean our house now, since mother-in-law is coming, and I want it to look nice for her.
So. Ditch the Must’s. You don’t need them. Instead, do what you want to do, and call it for what it is. A Want To rather than a Must.
First published on my blog on July 31st, 2016: https://helenaroth.com/doing-gentle-29-there-are-no-musts/
Audio production: Caspian Almerud
Photography: Anders Roos http://www.andersroos.nu/
Soundtrack: Olof Jennfors Ljudtjänst http://jennforsljud.se/