Speeding up, internally, overcommitting, FOMO running wild, efficient in the way only I know how, zooming from meeting to meeting indeed, on Zoom), not even giving myself the pleasure of a sunshine-filled walk midday.
Breathe, Helena, breathe.
And let go.
Release your foot from the gas pedal, there’s enough energy in the system to get quite far without you putting any more gas into it. Get your priorities in order, ticking ToDo’s off one by one (the only way to do them, one by one, bird by bird), and… oh. Yes. Saying No does not mean you will not be considered next time, does not mean you aren’t a valued participant of the community, does not mean any of the stuff the internal chattering ticker tape is trying to get you to believe.
Make sure you get the walks. The bike rides. The hour of puttering about in the garden, raking some leaves into a pile over here, cleaning some garden tools over there, checking the status of the horse manure/cow dung/saw dust-barrel, filled with what will be goodies for the soil come spring.
Make sure you get the fullness of the morning ritual. The movement, the Wim Hof breathing, the glass of by-now-luke-warm water, the writing (Oh, the writing! Treasure it, as it treasures you!), reading the daily entry in The Book of Awakening, and the cold shower. All of it vital, but more than that, all of it there for you. Gifts. All of them. Gifts that help you show up the way you want to show up in the world. Grounded. Filled with energy. Abel and capable. With a mischievous touch of tankespjärn to spice things up when needed.
These aren’t must’s.
They are want’s.
I want to get the walks, the bike ride, the gardening and the morning ritual. Add to that the reading, the community-building, the Buddhas-recordings, the therapy, the cooking for me and my children and sitting down to a meal together.
These are want’s that are important to me because with these I honor myself.
I honor who I am, who I have been, and who I will be.
Always and already.