Gary (Breads, my meandering conversation-partner of this podcast episode) volunteers as an interfaith chaplain at a local hospital, something that has us diving deep into the concept (? Is that what it is?) of connection. When I did SuperCoach Academy in 2014, one of four weekends was dubbed connection weekend. The message from Michael Neil was that connection is already there. It’s not something we have to create, because it is the base, always and already there.
Gary gave me some tankespjärn when it comes to connection, because I’ve been confusing it with the pull of wanting connection. Now and again, Gary comes across a patient at the hospital who asks him to leave their room, they are not interested in his offering of presence, silence, prayer, conversation, or whatever it might be. The push of not wanting connection, in essence, and Gary said But that’s still connection. Regardless if it’s a pull towards or a push to put more distance between you, it’s still all about connection.
I found that so interesting.
What Gary does when a patient is clear in asking him to leave again, is honor them. That’s the best way he can show respect to them, by honoring their wishes. Listening to Gary speak about what might happen within him when this occurs, makes me treasure him even more, as it’s so apparent that he does his homework. If someone asks him to leave, that’s all about them, but it might well be a trigger for something within Gary to open up. Being rejected. Not wanted. Perhaps feeling insignificant or without value. Tending to himself, not in that moment, because he’s there in a professional context (regardless of being a volunteer or not), but not pushing it to the side. It’s important to deal with our own stuff, also because it helps keep us resourced to manage similar situations in the future, possibly minimizing the trigger-effect.
As a professional coach, I always meet with potential clients before agreeing to work together. In essence, we are both auditioning for each other, because I want the pull to be there. For both of us. But not all professions have this opportunity. A teacher is to teach all the students placed in his or her class. A physician is faced with the patients that cross their path, and they are bound by the hippocratic oath to tend to them. Regardless if the connection, always and already present, gives off vibes that repels or draws closer. That’s where the professional floor, that me and Frank spoke about in episode 17, is so crucial. Where in your life are you faced with having to step up to this professional floor, regardless if you want to or not?
Now there’s some tankespjärn for you.