Bella was a calming presence in an online meet-up I attended last fall, having me reach out afterwards, inviting her to a one-on-one conversation. Lucky for me, she accepted, and we’ve had a few since then. Wise. Calm. With an energy that makes me feel good when I am around it. So I am thrilled to have her as my fifth conversation partner for season three, already looking forward to our upcoming four conversations.

With Bella, perhaps because of how we met, perhaps because of the vibes she gives off, conversations go naked quite quickly. And given how much I’ve worked on owning my wants, needs, longings and desires, it’s extremely helpful to be in conversation with someone who knows, to her very core, that she’s entitled to her wants and needs.

‘Even when I am not allowed to express my wants, I don’t go and say, well, those are not legitimate wants and needs. That they can stay inside me, as legitimate.’ ~Bella

Just as I’ve been saying, for years, how all feelings are signals, I’ve actually never really broken it down to looking at my wants in the same way. It’s a signal, to heed or not, in the moment or at a later stage. And as such, it’s valid. It’s there. Not Truth, as such, but not something I need to or should disregard, label as illegitimate, invalidating myself.

‘I don’t want to do the good thing. I want to do the real thing.’ ~Bella

What might real look like?

For me. For you. For us. How to dance with all of it? The joy, the happiness, being cheerful and buoyant, and all that we deem good and the anger, nastiness, jealousy, and petty emotions that seemingly scare us so much they are described as bad. How to dance with all of that? That’s what real means for me.

Join me and Bella for a meandering conversation, where you will encounter tankespjärn in many more ways as well.


Bella (and her music)

14. Daring to be vulnerable on record | with Alison Coates

The Three Principles

My meta-me

Ray Dalio (of Bridgewater and nothing else!) and his Principles

A toboggan in English is a kälke in Swedish

Process-oriented therapy with Dominic Bosman Venter

Chelan Harkin’s poem When I opened my heart

#42 | Attuning to the Deep Feminine – Maya Luna, from The Mythic Masculine podcast

She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes By The Sink

Downton Abbey

Esther Perel Discussion Group on FB

Ishmael by Daniel Quinn

@utanstrumpor on Twitter